Rainy Days Make Me Think of Him

The rain makes me think of him. Whenever it rained in those last couple of months I would see him out there, in the boat, watching how the rain makes ripples on the pond's greenish water. His brown hair would sick onto his forehead and dripped onto his long eyelashes. His dark clothes would become even darker.
"You know, " He'd say out loud, "the ripples in the water is like people's actions. If someone does something it affects the people around them just like one small drop of water can effect the stillness of a large pond."
I wouldn't say anything about it; i'd just watch as he'd row back to the dock and go into the house.
I didn't like him going out there; I'd tell him to stay inside - to stay warm. He wouldn't listen to me though, he never really did listen to me. He didn't act like himself those last couple of months; I didn't expect him to, really.
There were small moments when I got him fully back, either when he watched our old home movies or when he fed the ducks like we did every Sunday morning. I would see his face light up, but then only a few seconds later a dark frown would be there again. All the time he was dark, sad, lonely. No matter what i said or did. he'd act like he couldn't hear or see me.
"Someone's actions effect the ones around them."
He'd tell me that one fact, he knew it. If he knew it so well, why did he put a knife to his neck that one rainy day in April. Because simply he thought no one was there around him to effect.
I left him, years before that April day, along with out parents. It was a rainy day that day when the roads were full of puddles. We hit a patch of water too fast... We ended up flipped into a ditch upside down. We drowned that day, leaving him waiting for us at home.
I didn't really leave him though. I came back to him and watched over him the best i could. I watched hi cry over our deaths, I watched him move far away from all his friends to our only relative. I watched him suffer through middle school and some of high school with absolutely no friends. I watched him become so stressed and sick. I watched him curse the name of God and cut his wrists with his eyes full of tears, believing he had no one there for him. He couldn't hear me. He couldn't see me.
So one day i had to watch him row out onto that lake for the last time. I had to watch his eyes fill with tears. I had to watch him grit his teeth to stop himself from screaming out from the hurt he held inside his heart. And i watched him take his own life.
A sixteen year old boy, who felt so alone, suffered so much that he open his own throat to take away the pain he felt on the inside. To make it all end.