Random Thoughts that Come Across My Mind in Typing. Uncut.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking.
Just kidding, i don't. I'm not a mind reader. Duh. Those things aren't real. haha. ha. ha.... i sure hope they aren't... I'm sorry if people do have that power... I'm so, so sorry.
Anywho, I'm watching Katy Perry trying to pull off that awful hair style that Miley Cyrus did as she dirtied a stage and minds of people everywhere. NOT WORKING.
My nose is running like the Niagra falls. ALREADY?!"WHAT ARE THIS?!" (-Jenna Marbles)
My fingers are aching from texting way too much tonight. (Which is my fault i do admit.) I've been texting lindsay, jamison, lizza, bailey, fart face 1, 2, and 3.
Breaking bad is over. Sad face.
I SWEAR MY DOG JUST FARTED.(<-- is this word NRCA appropriate?)  Sorry that word isn't lady like. I meant poofed or tutted.
This guy singing on the I <3 radio music festival looks like some judge back in the olden days with those horrible white wigs. Did you know what they powdered those wigs with?! Look it up. It's gross.
Can you find me somebody to love? He is singing that song.
I have to tinkle.
WALTER WHITE IS DEAD. UGHHGHT$RVMWEVJWEO JFVWE:MRVPEWR (does that count as a word Mrs. Weekman? say yes.)

I HAVE TO SNEEZE.
bless me.
shoot, i stopped my sneeze. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
i just have to test it out myself.
I NEED SOMEBODY TO LOVE - I NEED SOMEBODY TO LOVE - Cn anYBODY FINNNDD MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE- a tissueeeeeeeeeeeewhoooooooo.
yeah.... Maybe i shouldn't post this....

Why Does Stained Snow Sound Poetic?

There is something poetic about blood staining pure white snow. It's twisted, but poetic. 

That's the one thought that crosses my mind as i watch the snow turn to the color of my blood as it's spilt onto it. 

The silent sound of snow falling is easily overcome by the growls of the things tearing into me.  I  don't fight them. How can i? I can't move my arms because they have them in their sharp teeth. I'm numb from the cold and blood leaving me at a rapid pace.  I don't understand why they haven't gone to my neck yet, silencing me for all eternity. They just continue to tear and bite into me, as if they want me alive for the whole experience. 

I look over at the black wolf whose golden eyes continue to watch me. Why is it just watching? Why isn't it helping to take down their prey? Probably because i'm already taken down? 

I'm on my stomach, my head turned to look at the questionable wolf. My body is jerking and moving as the wolves pull and tug at my limbs. My face scrapes at the snow and my shirt and jacket is tugged upwards, exposing the skin on my stomach to the snow as well. 

I don't care about those things though. I don't care about the pain, i can barley feel it anymore anyways. I don't care about my body becoming colder and colder. I don't care about the blood seeping into the snow. I just watch the black wolf as it watches me. 

After a long while the tugging stops as the black wolf begins to walk forward. I'm not scared to tell you the truth. I haven't been scared this whole time; i think that makes me a bit weird seeing i've been scared of mostly everything my whole life. Like ever getting a boyfriend, or getting in a bathing suit in front of guys. I'm scared to put myself out there or to get hurt. But here i am getting hurt and about to die, but all the fear that i've had isn't here. 

I think the wolves are actually really pretty. And I don't bare any hatred to them. THey are just doing what they've always done, hunt and kill. THey are just trying to survive. This is what i get for going on the walk in the woods like the stupid girl that i am. 

I watch as the black one comes closer to me, leaning it's head down towards my neck, its mouth open and teeth exposed. 

"It's okay..." i whisper to myself. I'm surprised the words actually come out of my mouth, but they do, and then it's over.

I Can't Live Without Them.

I know i'm blessed. I have two people in my life that make it so i'm never sad. Whenever something bad happens one of them is always there, helping me and distracting me. 

I'm not the richest person, i don't have a perfect family, nor do I have a magnificent life. My house is filled with my screaming brothers, sisters, and parents. It's always filthy and has an empty refrigerator.  I don't mind any of these things though. Well, simply, because i'm never there. The two special people in my life always take me far away, even if it's just for a little while after school. 

These two people are my boyfriend, Tim, and my best friend, Lilly.

 My family moves a lot. So, five years ago, when i was thirteen years old, we moved to a small house. It was just two feet away from the neighboring house, who lived a boy named Tim. He asked me out one day while sitting by the pool we both share. I couldn't resist his charming smile and kind words. We grew closer and closer over the years. He isn't the most romantic man i've ever encountered, but he is the love of my life. Even though he doesn't have all the money in the world, he always figures out how to get me the things i want. 

Before him i met her. One day, many summers ago, i came across a chubby girl. She won me over with her smile and kind words. We began to do everything together and soon became best friends. We know everything about each other. She can tell what mood i'm in just by the sound of my voice or the look on my face. She knows exactly what i want to eat and what music i feel like listening to. We always end each others sentences. Every time i'm in trouble she stops everything and comes to my rescue. 

Tim and Lilly make it so i'm never sad. I never have a reason to be sad. They are always there, taking me away from all my problems. It seems like when i can't take life anymore one of them is there, taking me away on a vacation or for a sleepover. They are always there. I know they saved my life multiple times. I remember staring at my dad's handgun and weighing it in my hands. I put it in my mouth ready to pull the trigger when suddenly i hear Lilly's voice echoing through my home, "YOUR FAVORITE PERSON IS HERE WHO JUST GOT PAID!!!!! LETS GO SHOPPING!" 

I took the gun out of my mouth and shoved it under the pile of dirty clothes on the floor. I quickly stood as Lilly's long blond hair came into view. She smiled down at me, "Lets go get the watch you've wanted! Also, i'm starved!!! I'm thinking Arby's!"

It's impossible not to return her smile. She knows me too well, food is always the way to my heart. 

Every time I'm feeling at my lowest one of them is there. I would be dead without them. 

Today as Lilly kidnaps me for after school coffee she turns down the blasting music. She stares straight ahead as the car moves slowly through my neighborhood. 

"Courtney, we can't play like this forever."

Confusion strikes me to my core. Is she messing with me? Is this another joke? I face her, "What are you talking about?"

"I'm not really here, sweetie. I died in that car crash two years ago with Tim. We were coming back from the store after getting party supplies for your birthday."

"No, don't say that, LIlly!" I put my hands to my ears, trying to block her words from my mind, "Don't say such horrible things." 

"I can't stay any longer," She sounds as if she is crying, she has never cried before me, "I tried to protect you, but i can't anymore. I have to go. My time is up."

Fear strikes my heart, She can't go. She can't. I can't live without her, without him. It's impossible.

"NO! Please, stay! I need you!"

I say those words, but once i look up through my tear blurred vision i see that she is gone. I'm in a white wall room. My scarred arms are tied to a bed and i wear a white dress. My black hair is long and tangled. My eyes are full and overflowing with tears. 

I'm alone for the first time. They arent here anymore to take away my pain and it's crushing me.`

I scream out, screaming as loud as i can. My body fills with pain, bone-crushing pain. My heart feels as if it's tearing into pieces. 

Nurses surround me, "She's awake. She's awake again! Put her under!"

My world begins to blur as i hear the words that tear my mind forever, "Every time she wakes she screams like this, even after two years. It's like she is broken."

"She lost her whole world in one day."

Here is Why I'm on Parole: The Beginning

There are so many things you can tell a person as to why you're here, shoveling manure, in the hot summer sun. There are so many lies, but those lies can catch up to you. I decided never to tell a lie. Even if the result leaves me in a ditch; I won't regret it. The truth didn't leave me in a ditch this time. No, the truth put me here, on a horse farm, to shovel droppings, clean stalls, and help autistic kids stay on horses. I'm not sorry, not one bit.

It's a slow day today. The sun reaches towards us, through the trees, around the leaves to where we all sit. The dewy grass damps our jeans, making us feel a little uncomfortable. Little pebbles push on the skin of my hands as i lean back on them, looking up at the sky. The summer is quickly coming to a close and the fall air is beginning to flow in. The gnats and flies still stick around us though. 

Eric weeds the grass by the barn, his muscles rippling as he moves. Ally intakes a deep breath, "Man, he can mow  my yard anytime." 

We all look at her, giggles erupting out of us. 

"I heard he got time for drugs," Katy says stretching out her legs from their previous crossed position. 

"Yeah, like every teenager here. In for drugs and underage drinking. All they can do is give us community service, but that won't stop us." Tuck says from his spot next to Ally, whose perfume is so strong it can be smelled by everyone is a ten mile radius. 

"I've never done drugs or drinking one day in my life." I say looking confused, "Is that really why you all are in here?"

"Well, i got caught stealing some clothes from Khols."

"Really Kerlin, from Khols? How stupid can you be? Everyone gets caught there." Ally looks down at her perfectly polished nails, "Never mind that, I'm curious. Little miss perfection, what exactly did you do?"

I flick a small ant from my cowgirl boots, "It's a pretty long story. You sure you want to hear it?" 

"Go ahead. The next lesson isn't until 2:30. We don't have anything else to do until then."  

I take a deep breath, "Well, it all started half a year ago on a rainy morning."

Falling Stars

The sun is large in the sky. Its orange and red flames leap out towards me. Its light is fading, but still powerful as it beats down on me. The desert air is making small droplets of sweat form on my skin, but I continue to hopelessly walk further into oblivion. The sun is descending from the sky, but the air only becomes hotter and hotter.  The only thing I have is my shadow, but even it fades as I watch the dying sun fall slowly away from sight.

                My eyes drift to the stars coming into view as the last rays of sunlight leave, not only the large dunes of never ending sand, but also my eyes for the last time. I bring my hand up to my heart as I feel the slowing thumps echo in the emptiness. I don’t feel anything else except the wet tears falling from my eyes and my shaky knees finally giving up, crashing into the sand. My mouth falls open and I scream out in despair only to hear my own hoarse voice coming back. I can feel my light slowly fading, leaving me without energy. I fall onto the sand; letting it stick to me as it surrounds me.

Fate brought us together. It was one in a million that I would meet him in the sky. We danced. We laughed. It was as if a story of fiction became reality. It was like happy endings weren’t just a fairy tale, but as fate easily brought us together, it just as easily took him from me.

He fell from that sky, just like the sun, slow but at the same time swift. I shortly followed. He brought me down with him too. Now, here I am, alone, lost, and disappearing for all eternity into blackness, to exist no longer in the light. The stars, that burns so bright in the sky, is a constant reminder of what we once were. We were bright, beautiful, and full of possibilities.  Then, we fell.

Stars all around begin to fall from the sky, one by one, until there are none left to shine. The world goes completely dark, except for my own little light. Then, that goes dark too. 

#1 The Moon's Despair

Fractured moonlight reflects on the surface of the sea. Its pale fingers reach out towards me, to pull me from the arms of the deep.  The water caresses me and flows over and around my current form, making me feel weightless and free. My white dress swims around me in an elegant dance, basking in the freedom the ocean is giving.  

The waves breaking over me force me lower and lower into the never ending darkness. The silky strands of my white hair lift towards the moon, like a silent plea, as i sink.  It's too late. The arms of the sea won't release its greedy hands. I give into the peacefulness of the cold as it swallows me whole.

The moon forfeits her fight once i'm too far from her reach. With utter despair, she slowly retracts her hands. Her sickly form disappears. She wails and roars as i depart from her forever in exchange for my, long awaited, eternal rest. My fading blue eyes close; they can no longer see anything else but the inky shadows that now hold me. I finally reach the sea bed and lay down to sleep.