Train to Infinity Part 1

It all began six months ago, when the three of us came together. Three perfect strangers. I still to this day think of it as a miracle. I'm the youngest of the three, being seventeen, and parker and Inigo in their late twenties.

It was April 7th, my uncle, and care taker, had another episode. I ran from the house when the abuse became too great. I could hear him stumbling after me, his slurred curse words just behind me as i ran into the darkness of the night. I ran into a nearby field and thorns tore into my bare legs and arms. Finally after what seemed like forever i arrived at a road. Rain began to come down then and the air around me instantly chilled as he called my name. i looked up and down the streets, looking for any signs of protection.

I still to this day think of this as a miracle. I was desperate and saw no signs of anyone on the long road. I was frustrated and scared as the sounds of my drunken uncle started closing in on me.

"You look like you could use a lift."

I gasped and looked up. There right before me was a man. His passenger door was open and he looked at me through it.

I didn't hesitate to think hey, maybe this guy is a murderer.

No, i ran like heck and jumped into that man's car. I closed the door and he was off, leaving behind my uncle who was just walking onto the street from the field.

"Do you have somewhere you'd like to go" he asked.

"Somewhere far away, please. As far away as you can take me."

"What about your parents?" he asked, "You don't look like you're old enough to travel the world just yet."

I turned and looked out the window, "My parents are dead, sir."

"Okay, sounds like you're a-ok for traveling the world then. I'm Parker." he reaches out his hand leaving his right hand on the wheel.

I take it, "Lillian."

"It's very nice to meet you, Lillian. I have one last question to ask you."

"What is that""You planning on traveling the world with your hello kitty pajamas on?"  

Bringing myself back to reality i giggle at his question. He was being serious when he said we were going to travel the world. In the last couple of months i've seen more of the world than i have in all my life. We've traveled from europe to canada, from canada to Hawaii, from Hawaii to japan. We went everywhere. I never questioned why he saved me that day, for some odd reason the question never came to my mind. We never asked questions from each others past. we always lived for the future, only asking questions for what we were going to do next.

It was in Canada when we found Inigo.

it was the third week after i left with Parker and we were driving from the Niagara falls. There he was on the side of the road, in rags. He stumbled through the snow, no shoes where on his feet.

Before i knew what happened Parker stopped beside him and had the window rolled down.

"You look like you could use a lift."

It was the same words that saved me that night that seemed like forever ago. Those same words that seemed like a divine miracle sent from above.

Inigo looked at us for a long moment, his eyes weary. I reached into the back and pulled on the door handle, making the back door open for him. He didn't give it a second thought. He was in the car in seconds and with trembling fingers he pulled the door closed.

He was thin, like he hadn't eaten in a very very long time.

I pulled off my large warm jacket and handed it to him. He put it on instantly.

"I'm Lillian and this is Peter." i said with a smile.

"In-in-inigo" he stuttered through his clattering teeth, "Th-thank y-you."

"Want to go on an adventure, Inigo?" Peter said, excitement in his eyes.

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"What i mean is, you're never going to spend another night out there in that cold."

I watched as hope filled his eyes as did the tears.

Running..

From the dream i had. Last post. Story is rushed so it isn't good.

Running is all i can do. I can feel something moving in the wind and causing the summer air to turn to an icy cold. The clouds above me are moving about in all different directions. The sun is turning to darkness too early for the day.
I rush inside my school to escape the odd feeling in the air, but the air doesn't change. Inside is even more eerie. No noises are heard from the classrooms. No clatter is heard in the halls. All there is is the heavy breathing from myself.
"Hello?"
No one answers my call. I begin to walk down the halls, looking in each classroom as i go. No one is here. Each room is empty, with each students things on their desks like they were still sitting there.
This is impossible. Where is everybody? It's the middle of the school day.
I begin to walk faster, checking every room i can find. Then i begin to run. dark empty rooms pass my me in a blur. I begin to run faster and faster. My heart pounds in my chest.
The rooms from the school begin to change to rooms from a cruise ship.
I continue to run. I don't think about the impossibilities that are happening around me. All i can think about is running. It's like my mind has stopped working and my body is on overdrive. I reach the end of the hall and begin to climb large brown stairs the circle around.
It gets harder to run as my jeans and t-shirt change to a long green dress. With each floor i climb my dress begins to change shape and color. To green it goes to a beautiful pale yellow. To yellow it goes to a short sparkling blue. To blue it goes to a tight red dress. It changes multiple times after that, until i get to the top.
At the top my final dress is a princess style white dress. It sparkles in the strong moonlight.
But what shines down on me isn't moonlight at all.
It's lights from air crafts above, alien air crafts.

Some thing i wrote a while back for a RP

They crumble and fall. They turn to ashes to dust. They ride the wind and travel all around. They dissolve in water – melt in lava – become dust on your windowsill.

My family was gone in an instant. One by one they no longer lived in this world. Each one deserved death. Each one committed crimes and inflicted pain. Each crime was so sinful and so cruel. 

They believed they got away with it. They did for some time. They got away with it until I killed them. I didn't want to do it. They forced me. They all did. Every single one of them didn't take my threats seriously. None of them believed i would follow through with what i promised.

I did though.

Now they haunt me. In everything I see them. I see their sins carved into the world and into me.

Each one watches me. Each one kills my dreams. Somehow they still are here destroying my life one step at a time. People just call me unlucky, clumsy, or irresponsible. Those explanations aren’t true. I’m just haunted. Soon my dark blood stained secrets I fought so hard to cover up will be set lose. My world will come to end all at the expense of my diseased family.

Dark Shadows Haunt that House part 2

The little girl squirmed in her mother’s arms until she released her. The girl began running through the house toward the attic. Her mommy, screaming for her to stop, chased after her. Somehow, she knew she must not enter that attic. Something evil was in that house.

Lights began to shatter as the little girl ran past them. Floors began to creak. As the girl ran up the stairs, they began to violently shake, making the mother stumble. The expensive crystal chandeliers fell in slow motion as the wires disconnected in mid-air, almost as if someone had cut them. Then, all at the same time, the chandeliers hit the ground with a loud crash.

Once the mother reached the attic door and flung it open, an impossible wind knocked her against the opposite wall. She barely managed to open her eyes, but when she finally did, what she saw was horrifying – a giant black hole had engulfed her entire attic into tendrils of darkness. A large creature stood by the never-ending

depth of a hole, hand-in-hand with the little girl. The creature was jet-black, with pure white sharp teeth. It smiled an awful smile.The wind stopped and the mother fell to the floor, fear overtaking her. Shivers ran up and down her spine, making her feel as though she was in the presence of something so evil that nothing could help her out of this great hole of fear. She put her hands over her head and crawled as far as her body could take her. She felt as though all of her energy and all of the happy times she and her daughter possessed were being painfully taken from her. All the sins of her past came before her eyes at the very moment. A scream erupted from her mouth – a scream from the pits of hell. The little girl began to change, her skin looked as though a black fire surrounded it and her eyes grew wide, becoming a fiery, bloody red. The girl opened her mouth full of sharp teeth and laughed an unholy laugh. The last thing the mother saw was her little girl pushing her into the dark depths of hell.

Dark Shadows Haunt that House part 1

Dark shadows haunt that house. Horrid memories lurk in those walls….

There once lived a little girl, who filled her house with light. She had a head full of yellow curls, matched with bright blue eyes that sparkled with delight. She lived in a world full of giggles, bubbles, and toys. Plus, there was always mommy’s love which made her smile with joy.

The house was beautiful, and in the girl’s eyes, as big as a castle. Its white walls rose high with elegant columns. The staircases were large and twisted in marvelous artistic ways. Chandeliers of the most expensive collections hung from the ceilings.

It was big enough to have a different adventure each day. The girl ran around as she played with her friends, always finding fun places in the house that she had never seen or been before. They found hidden rooms in the walls, traps in the halls, and secrets in the attic.

Her mommy heard laughs and whispers in the middle of the night. She walked slowly through the halls, searching for the cause of the noise. As the whispers grew louder, she stopped and looked around. There were no rooms in this hall, but the voices were coming from the wall.

She placed her ear to the mural covering the tall wall on the right side of the hallway.

“Where is the treasure?” She heard her daughter ask, giggling.

“In the attic.” A deep, rough voice said.

Her mother began to panic. No one should be in the house except her and her daughter. She searched desperately to find a way into the hidden room, but was unable to find one. She pushed against the wall with all her might, finding that the door, when pushed, budged and began to open.

There, in the dusty room, sat a small table. Her daughter sat cross-legged by it, her eyes wide as she spotted her mommy. Her mommy

rushed in and grabbed her daughter, looking around the room, but finding no one.

The room was lit with a small candle, revealing weird symbols on the cracked walls. There was nowhere for anyone to escape besides the door she just entered, so how then, did the man disappear so quickly?

“Where is the man?” The mother asked her daughter frantically.

“He’s standing right there.” The girl said, pointing by the candle.

There was nothing there except a shadow against the wall, somehow slowly taking the shape of a man. There was nothing there to make that shadow. Suddenly, the candle blew out. Startled, the mother backed slowly out of the room.

“He’s in the attic, mommy.” The little girl said smiling brightly up at her. “He has a treasure for me.”

some dreams

I found a dream journal i kept on my iphone. LOL. Here is a list of some dreams i had. Uncut what i wrote when i got up. These were from 2011-2012

Dream nov 11:

going around belk with friends. Got clothes like Tina. Stealing eggs with Bailey and Liza. Looking at couches Dark and cloudy. With a guy he takes my computer and checks it for damage. In a dark hole. Half lit. Writing things in blood. Someone left in the darkness. 

Dream Oct 27:

driving in a car in the mountains. I see a fire. Driving behind a car line. The car line is Bi. Building beside it is on fire also. Suddenly two people go into the building and are in the top floor. Then they come down. I go in the building but i don't see a fire. I go to the very top and take a box of jewelry. The fire is suddenly under control. 

Dream Oct 19: 

At a thing with water and i need a bathing suit and a jacket cover uo. I asked for XL cause i wanted it to cover my legs. Mrs. Salinas said, "GO LOSE SOME WEIGHT!!" and i took my old jacket back. I began to cry and started to talk to mecca about it when Hannah R. and I had to go lift heavy things in the water. I fell and almost drowned. Phil was there and he saved me. was in a comma for a month or a year and he was by my side this whole time. 

Suddenly there were dogs on a big hill. It was a race. Little cages were on the sides of the field. I couldn't get rocky to stop running. He was barking at something evil. 

Dream Sep 17: 

Family coming out of the ocean stealing a lighthouse. We got into the car and get caught. I find the man of my dreams and walk on the beach with him. Fireworks go off in the distance. 

Dream Sep 1:

On a boat in another country. I was a servant helping out.

Then in Wilmington with my mom driving away from a huge tornado with three tornadoes coming off of it with three attached to each. 

Then Tyler and I are going to a huge FaceBook party that's held in a giant warehouse. You need special invitation boxers to get in. They are blue with the FB logo. Also it is bubblegum. Hannah R didn't have the invite and got kicked out. She figured out how to get back in though. 

Tyler was a football player. 

dream Jun 29:

Had on a non matching outfit and was trying to change. I was running through classes at RCA and ended up at the cafeteria. I had to get help to get to the door. I started running and the hallways changed to those on a cruise. I was running through the halls of doors, looking for my parents room. I found mom in a ball dress and took the room key. I began to run up the floors, passing each ballroom. Each room was different. Aliens started showing up when i got to the top floor. I had on a long red dress. It swished against the floor and showed my curves. I ran with everyone else. The aliens looked exactly like us. They talked like us and acted like us. They chases us though. They shot at us. I continued to run. Then a blond teenage alien started chasing me and claimed me. 

Live or Die.

Many people ask me where i go when I'm out of school. Some people i lie to. Some i tell the truth, but to those that i do tell never believe. That's good though. If they did believe they would be in danger. 

I'll tell you a part of my story. You can choose to believe it or you can throw away the idea as a silly tall tale. 

Just remember, by reading this you put yourself in danger. Either put this down and continue your life as it is now or continue reading and risk handing your life over to the fate of those far above you. 

My real name is Kathy Len. My whole life I'm living now is just a cover up to disguise what secrets lie beneath. My whole family is fake. On normal days i act like a regular teenage girl. I have drama and I care about normal things such as weight and boys. I go to school and have friends. But on an unusual day I get a call from my true life, the life that is full of danger and surprises. 

I'm working undercover for the government. 

My first mission was to be a normal teenage girl and go to the same school two very special people go to. I was sent there to protect these two girls from any harm if it came to them and wait for Ten Toe Walk to happen. The TTW hasn't happened and isn't expected to happen any time too soon. I was sent in just in case. 

What is TTW you may ask? That is a disease similar to zombies. It's a virus the government was experimenting with and was stolen from us by a secret organization. We fear it may be released if we do something they don't really appreciate.

While the government thought it was a waste to let one of their few teenage workers rot away in a prison waiting for something that may not happen anytime soon, they sent me on other small missions to fill the time and keep me on my toes. 

This is the reason I'm out of school so often. Many missions i've completed just this school year. I've been learning under the famous James Bond. Yes, he is real. Yes, he is hot. Yes, he is one of the best. 

So now you know why I'm out so often. You may not believe this and laugh at my running imagination. 

But if you do believe this keep looking over your shoulders, sleep with one eye open, and keep on your toes. We are watching you. This is just scratching the surface of the unknown things that happen in this nation. We know and do more than you think. Now that you believe we will be keeping a strict eye on you, waiting for the moment where you slip up.  

Not really a point to this story....

You know that feeling you get when you know you've messed up big time? When you know you're going to pay for this and there is no way around it? Yeah, I'm really feeling that right now. I'm feeling it come up my throat this very moment, actually. 
I look over at the two people I'm going to die with and hold up my hand, stopping the conversation, "If you will excuse me for a moment." They give me a strange look as I throw myself to the side of the boat to get rid of the breakfast i had this morning. 
As I'm purging a giant wave comes up to wipe the acidic up-comings from my face. I don't know weither to thank the good ole sea for trying to be polite or yell at it saying I'm going to find a way to pump all of it into space. I stand up straight, still struggling to catch my breath and face the two insanely stupid people.
I give them a smile and they cringe at the sight. I walk towards them, straightening my blazer as i do so. A small unhomured laugh leaves my lips, "So, you mean to tell me that Jones called the Chava Cleaver on us and that are ship is heading to its' home this very moment?"
Aristocles Thorbjørn gives me a look as if I have gone mad, "Marta, wot yer say is true, but yer must calm yorself. Jones is a sad, grievin' man. We cannot put the bleedin' blame on 'is shoulders. He believed we 'ave wronged 'im and 'is family. In 'is mince pies, by doin' this, right, he is copping revenge and peace."
"We ran over his dog, Art," i reply with clenched teeth, "He didn't have to curse us to eternal pain and suffering."
Valentina puts up her hands in defense, "Oh mah God, It was an accident! Fry mah hide! Eff'n Jones loved th' dang thin' so much he sh'd haf been watchin' it instead of lettin' it roam all on over th' roads! Literally, th' thin' hated Jones so much it scooted right in front of our car like it wanted t'die."
Aristocles pinches the bridge of his nose, "Why do i seek the company of you two? All you bring is spit and blood."
"Why are you even friends with Jones? He overreacts to the extreme. Example number one: this whole situation," I kick the pieces of exploded cell phone across the deck, "He sends us out on a boat. He calls us telling us we're going to die by the hands of Chava Cleaver and then he explodes all of our radios and communication. He brings a giant storm down on our heads and then sets our boat onto a course which we can't change, sending us to the giant pit. What kind of friend is he if he is just going to sacrifice you and your best friends?"
The Japanese man screams out, "Ching chong ching ching!!"
"I don't understand your language!! I don't know what you're saying!" I stomp my feet on the ground like a child, "Who even are you?!"
Art cringes, "Maybe I should 'ave chosen me mates more wisely..."
I sink down into my chair. There's no point. I'm soaked. I'm going to die beside my redneck friend, my British one, and by a random Jap, by the hands of a giant robot. It all sounds like a poor joke.
"So, whut is we a-gonna does now? Jest set har an' wait t'die?" Val raises her voice, "ah's only seventeen! ah cain't die jest on account o' i hit a stoopid houn'dog!"
"There's one fin' we may right well do. We will fight. We must be strong until deaff knocks on us door. We must stand up against the evils of this world and show no fear, even if we 'ave no chance against it. Prepare for battle! Struth!"
"Yeah, no, calm down, Art. This isn't war," I begin to pace, "We aren't going to die. We just have to figure out a way t-"
And that's when it begins to rise out of the depths of the sea. It's glowing blue light lights up all the water around us. A large robotic hand scoops us from the water.
The Jaeger looks down at us. Is the the Chava Cleaver? The Jaeger gone rouge? I squint up at it, trying to see past the blinding light. No.
"It's !"
"Gipsy Danger!"

Photo Shoot ideas!

SO!! Here is a list of a few really cool photo shoots that i really want to do! 

Black and white photo-shoot - SO for this photo shoot i would have a lana del ray "BLUE JEANS" music video type of style. Like some shoots will be head shots in the water and such. Then I would get my couch and put a white sheet over it. I'd put it against the two long windows in my living room and open them slightly so that the light is streaming in through the blinds. I'd have the windows sporting long and flowing white draperies. I'd have a M. Monroe looking theme. Then my "model" would get to work amodeling(my new word.)

school girl photo-shoot - for this one i would want more than one model. They would have geek glasses on and books open. In some shots their hair would be messed up and i would try to emphasize the stress school puts on students. 

Road photo-shoot with cars and car lights - I would want the road to be new and to look like it's silky smooth. It would just be after it has rained and i would like a bit of fog going about. It would be dark and a car light would shine behind my model, only showing her silhouette. In some pictures I will have car lights coming from behind and in front of my model.  

self love photo shoot. (writing on body)  - for this one i would show that anyone could have depression or thoughts of suicide. This will be a more serious photo-shoot. I'd take pictures of multiple people in different places. I'd take one of a single person in a crowd. Everyone will be walking in different directions and walking past this single person(aka my model) And my model will be staring directly into the camera. It'll show that my model feels different than everyone else - like an outcast- someone who doesn't belong. Then i'd have another picture. It will be a empty room. The floor and walls will be dirty. The will be a single lamp without a shade. My model will be sitting with her knees to her chest. Then i would have one where a girl is in a bathtub - fully clothed. She would be soaked to the bone- i haven't thought of a pose yet though. One idea would be a girl sitting around with her family and friends. They are all laughing and smiling. She will be smiling back - but it will look a little fake - she'll have a noose around her neck. This will show that no one really knows who is suicidal. I'll take a lot of pictures of the noose with different people and different settings. I have a lot of different ideas for this photo-shoot. Hopefully i can get a lot of models.

Mirror photo shoot- (dirty mirror) - I'd have two twin girls - dressed to show how different their personalities are - posing on either side of the mirror. They'd be doing sort of the same poses but in their own styles. 

Beach photo shoot - For this one it would be just another normal beach photo-shoot. If have the sun hats making cool shadows on the face and i'd have the sun and the water. The usual. 

party photo shoot . ( white backdrop (balloons,  etv) - this will be a more fun photo-shoot. It'll kind of be like the music video 22 by Taylor Swift. It'll just be a lot of different friends wearing their own styles. It'll just show the happiness of teens and friends doing a lot of crazy things - like racing carts through stores, doing photo booths, walking down the streets like a boss, etc.

Childish photo shoot.(girlish) - this one I'm planning for the upcoming spring. It'll take place at parks, colorful places, places with lush green grass and beautiful flowers. My model will be blowing bubble gum and popping bubbles. She'll be throwing sparkles and playing with balloons. 

Her Long Awaited Rest

(Note: I've been hearing about a bunch of suicides lately. And i wanted to write something that might make people understand why an individual might do something like this. I'm trying to understand what drives a person to off themselves. )

It spread like a disease, like a never ending sickness.  It was slow, the darkening force that came upon her and crept in the shadows of her mind, stalking around like a predator waiting for the dinner bell to be rung. It slowly consumed her, turning all the good that she was into darkness.
Her death was slow and it was her own mind that turned onto itself. Her dreams and hopes were shattered and were stepped on. Her abilities were downcast. Her heart, that was said to be so kind, was covered with sticky, black tar.

It was slow. At the beginning she thought it was only stress and exhaustion that plagued her. Her smile didn't match her tired eyes. Her laugh didn't match her broken heart.
But, no one saw or she didn't think anyone did.
It was worse when she was alone. As she left her school, away from the eyes of everyone else, she'd break down. Negative, destroying thoughts span around in her head. Voices, that sounded like her own, told her it would never change.
It did change though, but not for the better. As the days became shorter and the darkness became stronger, she began to act out. She began to snap at everyone around her. She began to become grumpier and grumpier. She began to lose hope and comfort in the things she loved the most.
She didn't know why this was all happening. Was she depressed, exhausted, or stressed? Was she lonely? Was she feeling unwanted?
Yes. She was feeling all of those things. That was for sure, but was all of that causing the darkness to continue whispering things in her mind?  Was those things causing the monster to do more than peep it's fiery eyes out from under the bed?
Months passed. There were times when she felt everything was getting better, but then when she was alone again it covered her, strangled her, and broke her. She began to hate everything and everyone. She began wanted to be numb, to give into the voices in her head. She began not to care. She began to love to be alone instead of being surrounded by those that she loved.
She didn't care about those around her, because heck, they don't truly care about her in the first place. In her mind everyone only truly cares about themselves.
Then there was God. She thought to herself, God is said to love me right? But guilt took over her heart of the sins she continued to commit. She believed she doesn't deserve God. She can't come to God to save her because she doesn't deserve it and she may just turn her back on Him again in the future.
She already knew how much things like that can hurt, so why would she do that to Him?
So she pushed Him away too. She wanted to push everyone away. She didn't deserve any kindness. She didn't deserve happiness. All those feelings made her only feel guilt, crushing guilt.
But she didn't want to feel guilt either. She didn't want to feel sad because all her tears have ran dry so how could she release sadness?
Then one day as she pretended to smile and be happy in the halls of her school she realized that no one probably knew of the darkness that had almost completely consumed her. No one knew that she couldn't take it anymore. No one could help her stop feeling so tired all the time.
So as she looked down from the roof, she saw the only release she could find, cold hard concrete. She saw the thick white snow covering the ground like a feather stuffed blanket. She saw rest. She saw an end.
As she jumped she smiled the first real smile in a long time.

My Passions

I have many passions. One of those many is photography. I may not be the best photographer in the world. I know that. But I am getting better. I also know that for a fact.

 I think it really started when i got my first camera. I, of course, became one of those girls that was constantly taking selfies. Then i started taking pictures, not only of myself, but of my best friend too.

Every time that my best friend, Jamison, and I would have a sleep over we would take millions upon millions of pictures. Everything we did we had to take a picture of. I don't really know why we did this. Was it because we wanted all the guys on facebook to see our hot chubby faces? Was it because we wanted to show everyone how much fun we had? Who knows. All i know is that I have over 50 pictures of Jamison and I eating Mexican food at our favorite Mexican restaurant. Yes, Mexicans included in the pictures.

 Then one night my poor first camera died on the black top. It's pink outsides splattered on the pavement and it's little instruments came bouncing out.

 I blame Jamison for that incident that stopped our selfie crazed sleep overs. Now our selfies are about one - five pictures instead of hundreds. We post these on Instagram instead of Facebook. Oh, how times change.

 Then, one Christmas, My parents gave me a bright red camera. This one was wayyy better than my little pink one. Plus, it took better pictures. After that started the "Photo shoots." My first ones where beyond horrible with absolutely obviously bad editing.

 I didn't stop though. I continued take photos. Getting likes on facebook was my push, however small the number those likes were. I continued doing photoshoots, getting more professional in the way i go about doing them, getting new and creative ideas, playing with the lighting, and getting props. I'd post my pictures online tagging my friends i took pictures of. Soon they were telling me how people came up to them saying, "So you got your pictures professionally done?" People were asking them for my number so that i could take pictures of them also. All of it makes me feel so accomplished. It makes me feel like I'm good at what i love.

I know I'm not the best photographer. I know i still have many things to learn. I will continue to take pictures of people and continue to get better. I will continue doing what i love:)

dreams feel like reality explanation

Okay, so I'm the type of person that dreams a lot at night. It seems like every night i have a dream. The funny thing is all my dreams feel real to the point that when i wake up I'm confused whether it really happened or not. Usually if i can remember my dream I'll write it down. I enjoy going back and rereading it later.
Some of my dreams scare me though. I actually feel things. It's like it's actually happening to me. Once i had a dream someone grabbed my hand and i felt feelings I've never felt in real life. I felt my heart dropping, my breath accelerating, butterflies swarming around, the warmth of his hand, the comfort i got from it, and the love. Now, I've never been in love before, but I'm pretty sure i felt love in my dreams towards a guy that's alive somewhere in the back of my brain.
Nightmares are even worse. A couple nights ago i had taken melatonin because I've been having problems sleeping at night. It worked. I didn't wake up once during the night, but it had a weird side effect. It gave me back to back nightmares.
First was i was in a pool. It was a normal pool. There was bright lights, people all around, smiles and laughter. The only problem was there was only three people in the pool, including me, and i was in a simulator. This simulator turned this one boy into a shark over and over again. This shark continuously chased us around the pool, biting us. We would feel the pain and then the wounds would heal. This would happen over and over again.
It happened until i was no longer in a pool. I was in the ocean. The murky waters formed large waves that hit me against a rock wall for what seemed like forever. I fought, trying to swim away from the wall. I fought long and hard, but i began to lose energy. I couldn't fight any longer. I went under the water. I was dying.
Then it got weird. A monster truck saved me, but then he killed all of humanity before my very eyes. I was the only human left. Then like the traitor that i am, i fell in love with the humanity killing monster truck who now turned into a form of a very attractive man.
Yeah. I have weird dreams. Any who. Most of my stories that are on here are probably from dreams that i had. That's why most of them are twisted. I remember last night i was running from a murder through some sort of shopping mall maze. Or was it murders? A team of murders? I just vividly remember becoming one of five girls on a guys football team and then running from killers in the mall across the street. Plus it was  dark and dreary outside. Maybe I should make that into a story? Nah. Too much testosterone.
Yeah i woke up this morning having a panic attack which isn't too much fun. I think my first thought was, "I need to get to practice, but i have to do homework first." So, no lie, I tiptoed from my bed, got my book bag, went to another room(my friend slept over last night so i didn't want to wake her), and started on my homework.
It was 4 am. Today is Sunday.
I have a lot of problems with sleeping now. I toss and turn all night. When i do sleep I have vivid dreams slam packed with real emotions and feelings. Sometimes i feel like my bed is shaking which creeps me out to the maximum level. When i finally fall asleep at like 4 i sleep though all alarms. Maybe i should just pull a Tony Stark in iron man 3 and just not sleep for 70 something hours.

dreams feel like reality part two

For the next six days, I ignored his calls. And then, when he showed up at my house, I pretended I wasn’t home.

Why was I doing this? Was it because my pride was wounded? Was it because I was afraid of what would happen? Was I afraid of what he could make me feel?

That seventh day I took a walk, to clear my mind, to get away, I’m still not sure. I just know that for some reason, I felt the need to leave that giant house and walk down that long driveway – to that small secret opening in the bushes. I walked to the one place I could find comfort, our place.

I went to our place.

He was waiting for me there.

He was standing right in that spot where the clovers grew.

Right in that spot where the sun broke through the trees and reached the ground, that’s where he was.

His large hands, which looked as though they could crush something so easily, searched gently through the small green clovers. My mind flashed back to when we were younger, searching in this same spot for a four leaf clover. I close my eyes and remember our excitement when we found, not a four leaf clover, but a six leaf clover.

“That’s extra luck!” I said, staring down at it in his hands. “I can’t believe you found that!”

He looked up at me through his long, dark eyelashes and then placed it in my hand. “I want you to keep it.”

“What? No, you found it. It’s yours.”

“Yes, but now I’m giving it to you, Clementine.”

I searched his eyes and as he smiled at me, his lips moved. His voice formed one single word – my name.

“Clementine.”

I broke away from the memory and stared at that same boy. He’s grown taller since then, his black hair has grown thicker and longer, but he is still the same as he’s always been.

“Clementine.”

Just by his calling my name, the tears began to threaten to run down my cheeks again. My bottom lip began to move again and that heat rose in my body. Then, I was in his arms and he was in mine. And my tears were released and as were his. The rain began then. How cliché is that? The rain fell through the open spots in the trees, sliding off of the leaves high above. Those rain drops mixed in with our tears. As I look back at that moment, I realized that his tears that day were for me, for the pain that I felt.

Tim Daren.

That was the first time that I realized how much I truly felt for him.

That moment, it just felt, so real.

how can a dream feel like reality ?

It just felt… so real. His arms wrapped tightly around my tiny waist… with me standing on my tippy toes, stretching to wrap my arms around his neck. My face pressed into his chest and his face pressed into my hair. We just stood there with the rain coming down around us. Our tears, which we both have kept locked away for so long, mixing in with it. Our sobs sang along with the thunder as it cracked through the air.

We just stood there, sharing this, this heart wrenching moment with each other – a moment I would only want to spend with him.

He found out about her a week before, on that wretched night. This night was like so many others – the others as those were before them. These nights so wretched and despairing, nothing seemed right anymore at night – especially that night. She was at one of the parties that she thought everyone wanted her to attend, but she was wrong. No one wanted to tell her different than what she thought, though. Cocktail dresses and fancy shoes and hair, black ties and all – those were the parties, the parties that were meant to be grand. Those stupid, horrendous parties – that’s what they were to me.

The subject of everyone’s snide comments and private jokes, created her usual scene – champagne glasses, one after another, until she can only stumble across the floor, dropping her drink and ruining one more thousand dollar dress.

Everyone laughed, giving her fake smiles of encouragement. She was the night’s entertainment.

She was and is my mother.

Do you know how it feels to have to endure such madness, to endure the cruelty of other people? Do you truly know how it feels to have to clean your own mother’s vomit off the floor every single weekend? Do you know how it feels to have to act like a mother to your own mother? Do you know how the pain and all of the embarrassment, remorse, and regret of having a parent like that feels? And then you wish you never felt that way, wishing you were stronger than everyone else’s words.

That week before – on that night – I watched her stumble around, and I finally realized that I couldn’t take it any longer. I really couldn’t do it. I don’t know why I did it, or how it happened so fast. I just know that my phone was in my hands in seconds. I just know that I sent him one message and minutes later he was there. He was right before me.

He didn’t laugh.

He didn’t judge.

He helped.

He understood.

As I stood there, my face red from the embarrassment, he helped get my mother into his car and drove us home. He didn’t mind going into a rich people’s party – nor did he mind having to leave what he was doing.

“Thank you,” I said after I closed the door to her bedroom. “I’m really sorry I put you through this trouble.”

I couldn’t look him in the eye. All I could do was look down at my feet. All I could do was feel the shame creep into my cheeks.

After a long moment, he whispered, “How long has this been going on?”

I couldn’t say anything, but I could feel my bottom lip as it began to tremble.

“How long, Clementine,” he asked me. His voice softly made its way to my ears, “Has this been going on all this time?”

I nodded my head.

Then I felt them. For the first time in years, the threat of tears stung my eyes, something only he could make me feel.

Why was that? Why was it that only when he was around, that I could feel the need to cry, to release my feelings completely?

“It-it’s late,” I said, turning my back to him. “Thanks for coming.”

And then I walked into my room swiftly, wanting to get away from his gentle blue eyes – those eyes that could be so soft, but at the same time so piercing.

Tim Daren has been around since I was a baby. We’ve gone to the same school, but lived worlds apart. I was the rich girl and he was the farmer’s son, but somehow, some way, we became best friends over the years. He was always there for me, whenever I needed him. 

But I didn’t want to have to need him, though I knew I did.

Five Years Lost

Beep. Beep. Beep.

That simple noise fills my ears, the same exact noise. Over and over again, its annoying consistent beeping. 

“Five more minutes…” I mumble, trying to turn over, but with a shock I realize I can’t. Pain shoots through my arm as I do so. I open my eyes and look down at my now bleeding hand.

What on earth?

And then I realize this isn’t my room at all. This is a hospital. It’s a white room with an open window. The wind blows the curtains inside, towards me.  I look around at all the machines and begin to panic. I try to rip the cords from my arms and the oxygen mask from my face.

Why am I here! What’s going on!?

While I do this the beeping goes erratic, hysterical. Suddenly nurses burst through the door and they stop and stare at me, and I at them. Their eyes are wide and one puts her hand to her mouth and whispers, “It’s a miracle...”

While the other finally jumps into action and stops my crazed hands.

“Let go of me!” I scream at her, “Why am I here!?”

She pins my hands down and looks sadly into my eyes, “You’ve been in a coma, sweetie. You’ve been in a coma for five years, three months, and nine days to be exact.”

TCHIAI Final

I wonder about my mental health by now. I don't know how long I’ve been in this dark room, but it feels like weeks and months. I dream of escape, but not of my past. I can't even remember my past. Who was I before all of this? Who were my friends? What did I do? I can't even remember my mother's smiling face or my dad's goofy personality. It’s all been taken from me, replaced with monsters and nightmares that I will never become used to. I'm always afraid. I'm always scared. I never feel anything different.

Then, I dream of escape. Sweet, sweet escape. I picture it in my mind, running barefoot through green grass in the mountains on a beautiful summer’s day.

The funny thing is, it happens. I'm running. I’m running far away – away from all the madness and the horrors. A smile comes to my face and I feel… I feel free. They said they would set me free, right? When it was all over. So, maybe they did. Maybe I’m actually, truly free.

I laugh and run faster, and then I hear thunder. I don't care, though. I truly don't care. The sky darkens and rain begins to descend upon me, washing me clean from all the past nightmares. I spin in my yellow dress and watch the rain clean the dirt from my skin.

"It isn't real," he says.

I turn around, the happiness inside me leaving in an instant. There he is – the guy that I thought was so hot long, long ago. The guy who tormented me and fed me more nightmares in the middle of the night is standing right in front of me.

I run.

I run from him, into the trees. All I can do is run through the thick woods. Pine tree limbs slap me and scratch me. Thorns and leaves stick to my clothes. Blood trickles down from where the thorns rip into my feet, legs, and arms. The sky above me is dark and rain falls down heavily.

I'm used to the darkness, though. I'm used to the scared feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"There's no reason to run," his deep rough voice says, far far behind me. "It will start all over again soon enough!"

I can barely hear his words over the sound of the rain. I hear my breath and I hear the frantic beat of my heart, along with the sound of my rushed steps as I head deep into the mountains.

How do I have the strength to run?

How do I not feel the wounds that are being inflicted on my body as I push ever further?

Adrenaline, maybe?

Maybe I’m already too numb from the sudden cold?

Maybe I’m not truly alive, but I’m still haunted after death?

How did I even escape that dark room so easily?

Or did I not really escape? Am I still in those dreams?

The voice catches up to me.

The rain moves around his words, carrying them away. But they soon reach me, saying, "You aren't real." I stop in my tracks. The rain, the sound of my breathing, the sound of my thumping heart, it all begins to slow. I squeeze my eyes shut and hold my head together as the migraine begins to take over. "Shut. Up," I order weakly through gritted teeth.

"All of us – we aren't real."

"Please, stop."

"We are all just characters in a short story."

And then, my world is black again as I am running through the trees, another pair of eyes reading the story where I am the main character who is forever running. The same story plays over and over, looping forever in eternity, never destined to really have an end.

I'm at the beach house, ignoring the tug inside me as I walk out onto the porch and down the steps toward the dark beach.

Black in the night.

We can see darkness, but we cannot see what lies within it.

We only see what we imagine.

TCHIAI part 9

Now I fully know what horrible things I am going to face in this room.

They make me imagine terrible creatures of all different kinds and the terrible things they would do.

But that's just my imagination, right?

Wrong.

My imagination – it becomes reality.                                                                                                                                      

Those monsters that inhabited my brain come forward in the darkness and torment me. Over and over again, I feel like it'll never stop. Oh, God, when will it all stop?

When my imagination runs low, they give me all sorts of ideas.

They make me watch movies. They read stories to me of absolutely horrible things. They show pictures to me, in my brain (probably with the thing they put in my head) of creatures God threw into hell.

When they put those things into my head, I try my hardest not to think about them – those bad things.

Sometimes, when you try your hardest not to do something, that's when it's the easiest to do.

I close my eyes in the darkness, pressing myself into the corner, covering my eyes.

Puppies, think of puppies. Rainbows and puppies. Butterflies...

"It won’t save you," a voice slithers in my ear.

I open my eyes to see the creature before me, and it’s something that I can't even begin to describe.

My screams, like the others before and after, are only heard by me.

Sound proof walls are a wonder.

TCHIAI part 8

Now, it was either from his long nasty speech or from the meds they most likely gave me, but I was feeling pretty beat. With my vision blurring from the scared tears that are betraying me and the overcoming exhaustion weighing down on me, I slump backwards onto the gurney. As I do, I realize that I’m not really sure what to think, or how to really think anymore.

Above me, the doctor comes into my vision and says, "Don't be scared, sweetie, it will only last for a little while, not for too long."

"Then, I can go home?" My words slur together.

"Then, we will set you free. When you awake, you will be in your room and the tests will begin. Good luck."

Right after his words end, everything turns black again, but it stays that way, for a long, long time.

Blackness. The dark. One can see the darkness, but cannot see what lies within it.

I wake up to blackness – well, I think I am awake. I blink and try to move, but I realize that my arms and legs are tied down. A voice crackles through the air, as if it’s coming from a speaker. It says, "This room will show you your dreams and make them come true. Just remember that nightmares are dreams too. So it will mostly be bad things that you see. Sorry about that – well, not really. Don't try to change the dream because frankly, that won’t work. Now think your darkest thoughts and dreams and we will, to no charge at all, give them to you."My eyes widen in the darkness. What kind of crazy place is this? I decide to try it by testing it out.

I think of unicorns. Nothing.

I think of puppies. Nothing.

I thought they said they’d give me my dreams? Or they said nightmares, right? Maybe if I think something bad, then that will show up.

So I think back to a nasty movie that I saw called the “Human Centipede.” That was the grossest movie I’ve ever seen in, like, ever. Some crazy guy put three pe… You know what, I don't even want to explain it because I might actually throw up doing so.

"I'm going to make you into an experiment," someone says into my ear, his breath going over the side of my face and to my noise. It fills the air with a horrible stench.

I try to scream and to get away, but then I’m lying on a gurney as I am looking at a diagram of what is to become of me. Fear and panic squeeze my heart and I look over at the two people beside me – they are going to become a part of me soon. We're all gagged and attached to gurneys. The creepy man before tells me that I will be the middle piece, a special piece.

I go through the torture. I feel all of the pain. I feel all of the torment.

I.

Feel.

Everything.

Then, everything becomes black again and I’m back in the dark room. I throw up, multiple times, as a matter of fact. It was like I was in that movie, like I was one of the girls. I didn't even remember the dark room while I was there. I just felt the pain and the terror of what was to come. I just felt the need to escape.

Forever Looking for Her Bright Smile

Forever Looking for Her Bright Smile

I still remember that day as vividly as if it were just yesterday, that horrid day I was bereft of my best friend. Unusually, as if in mourning, August twenty-fifth was a frigid day. It felt as if autumn immediately wanted to come out and make an early appearance.

         “Can you believe it? Tomorrow we’ll be seniors,” Laurie said, stepping out of her Volkswagen bug.

“Time sure did fly by,” I replied as we began walking towards the outside shopping center, “Can you believe it’s been nine years since we met?”

 “Oh, gosh, no. It’s been that long?”

                I nodded. “It sure has.”

  We shopped and tried on multiple outfits for the upcoming school year.  We worked all summer, saving money just for today. We already knew what we wanted. We looked in multiple issues of Seventeen Magazine for outfit ideas.

   The dark clouds covered the sun, blocking the sunny rays from coming down and warming our skin. The cold wind blew against our bare legs, making goosebumps cover our bodies. We wore different flower print summer dresses matched with sweaters for fighting off the breeze. My outfit was matched with cowgirl boots and chunky bangles. Laurie styled brown wedges and large earrings.

   If you looked at us together you could see that we were like exact opposites.  Laurie’s dark brown hair with big curls flowed gracefully down her back. Her kind chocolate brown iris’s could make for the best puppy dog eyes. Her short stature and skinny frame made her seem innocent and defenseless. Her white, perfect smile resembled that of a movie star's.

I, on the other hand, had always sported my straight blond hair in a high ponytail. My ice-blue gaze, mistaken for a glare, wouldn’t seem kind at all. Plus, being taller than most and having more meat on my bones made people intimidated by me.

People walked by us, giving Laurie affectionate smiles and gaping at her beauty, but giving me only hesitant stares. We were a queer friendship, indeed, from an outside view. Both of us looked as though we were from separate worlds. No one understood why we were such close friends. Sometimes even we couldn’t believe it, she the popularity queen and I the geek?

We shopped for hours, finding the cutest clothes and accessories. While we shopped, we talked of latest summer relationships and the Pretty Little Liars episode that had aired the night before. Hours passed in what seemed like only minutes.  The air became colder as the sun began to descend, leaving the cloudy sky in an array of gold and orange. Our stomachs began to growl loudly.  With our arms full of bags, we began to walk towards our favorite restaurant.

Zoey’s Kitchen was the perfect college girl restaurant. The menu was full of only healthy salads and foods. It was cute and comfortable inside. As always, we ordered the Greek salad and tomato bisque. We paid and sat down in the small booth by the window. It was our favorite seat where you could look down at the city, Downtown’s beautiful lights reflecting against the clouds.

As we ate, we talked about our spoils and what outfit would look good with our accessories.  After a long talk about colleges and which ones we were going to apply to, we stood to leave. Once out the door, we quickly realized that it was later than we’d expected. All the cars in the mall parking lot had disappeared. There wasn’t a single person or car in sight.

A chill went down my spine, and it wasn’t because of the cold. I felt as though we were being watched. I felt as if we were in jeopardy. My frightened eyes met Laurie’s and I noticed that her’s mirrored mine. Without a word we began to quickly walk down the dark sidewalk. It was about a ten minute walk to Laurie’s car.

The wind began to pick up and rain started to sprinkle down on us. Our pace quickened. With my heart pounding fast, something felt terribly off. Looking for any signs of danger, I scrutinized the area around us. The only sounds were the click of our shoes against the sidewalk and the wind blowing the leaves on the trees.

Then we heard the rev of an engine behind us. We stopped dead in our tracks and turned slowly around. My heart began beating furiously fast. There, in the middle of the road, was a white van, its headlights blinding us. The van began to rev up again, making us stumble backwards, dropping our bags.

Then it took off high speed towards us, swerving over onto the sidewalk.  For a second I knew what I felt like to be an animal caught staring into the bright headlights, unable to move. Laurie screamed and grabbed my hand, pulling me out of the way. Panic surrounded me. My brain wasn’t working. Run, was all I thought.

 With buildings on either side of us, we began to race down the slippery, uneven cobblestone street.  There wasn’t anywhere to go, but straight. There weren’t any alleyways or unlocked doors. There wasn’t anywhere to hide from out pursuer. I, being on the track team, was obviously faster than Laurie. I hadn’t realized that a distance had begun stretching between the two of us.

Lightning struck down in the distance lighting up the sky. Loud, shaking thunder followed immediately after. The rain began to pound down on us, even harder now, almost as if the sky was crying. The buckets of rain forced my clothes to cling to my body. Blisters formed and scrubbed painfully against the heel of my soaked boots.

 Suddenly Laurie slipped on the street, and with a loud gasp, fell to the ground. I stumbled to a stop. Turning around to help her, I saw the van roll slowly beside her.  The side door slid open and a large man with a mask reached out. Gasping she tried desperately crawling away on her hands and knees, her leg was obviously injured. He roughly grabbed Laurie by her hair, easily pulling her into the van. Screams, both hers and mine, pierced the ice cold air. I raced towards them, but I was too late.

She and the van were gone, almost like they were never there to begin with. 

The image of her scared, wide eyes and her mouth open in a terrified scream is stuck in my mind even today. Thirty-five years later, and still, my best friend hasn't been found. The police gave up the case three years after the kidnapping, but I never gave up looking. I never give up looking for her bright, unmistakable smile.

Ashes Are My Snow and Regret ~ two short stories

Ashes Are My Snow

The fire rises, kept alive by bodies. It grows high towards the sky.

Ashes and ashes cover the earth as it falls to the ground like snow.

Dark clouds fill the usual bright blue skies.

Men, children, and women go into the fire, but only ashes come out.

The horrible stench pollutes the air, but only evil is left smell their nasty deeds.

They trample the ash, looking for me, leaving footprints in the gray.

I watch as the fire dims - the ashes stop - the good is becoming none.

Evil looks as if they won, but regret sneaks up. The evil's eyes clear to see the truth.

Riots began - the fire then burns - ashes fall again.

The evil is becoming none.

Ashes and ashes - Cloudy skies - Ashes is my snow.

There is no more evil or good.

I am left alone.

Regret:

I walk a long path full of suffering.

A dark path with many holes, many roots rising from the surface of the rotting leaves, many sharp deadly rocks hidden from view….

A narrow path with many twists and turns.

Tree limbs reach over like broken arms – their leaves forever lost – never to return again.

Eerie fog creeps through the barren trees.

Wind flows powerfully around the forest – making sounds worthy of scaring the most fierce.

Darkness strives here, light never dare shows its face.

 The path never ends. It never will.

There isn’t a person, demon, or creature...

There will only be me- constantly walking this long path.

I chose this.

My soul sold to the dark shadows.

 Sins forever visible – like blood stained hands.

Loneliness - Pain… but never Regret.